Instructions

I get a lot of questions about this whole thing and people are always asking me if she really doesn't wear a diaper and things like that. Also, my friend Kari is struggling to potty train her toddler and is contemplating trying this out with her 6-month-old to avoid conventional potty training the second time around. So that was just the motivation I needed to write a more comprehensive synopsis of the "diaper-free" method, which, for me, is not so diaper free. But hopefully she will be well before the one year mark.

So here we go with some background. Mothers and families all over the world raise their kids this way and have for centuries. Didn't you ever wonder what people did before diapers? This is one of the things people did! In Western cultures it's more of an attachment parenting thing (attachment parenting is basically doing everything you can to promote a strong attachment with your baby and minimizing the baby's discomfort in any way possible in order to build trust. This includes letting your kids sleep with the parents in the "family bed," responding to crying, not making the baby cry it out ever, etc. I pick and choose strategies from this parenting philosophy, but I don't swallow it whole. It includes a bit too much coddling for my taste. I think kids are resilient and can overcome and figure out more things than we give them credit for. And I want to promote that resilience as well as a strong and trusting relationship. Some struggling builds strength and confidence. No pain, no gain. To an extent, anyway). You can start this with babies that aren't so new. I first stumbled across it when Ryker was two and I think it was too late for him by then, but lots of people have success starting as late as six months or so because the baby has not yet lost awareness of the need to go. In fact, some cultures don't start until the baby starts eating solid food at around 6 months. Some people have even had success with babies older than 12 months (there are lots of online resources for starting with an older baby that I found when Ryker was 2). You can also start slowly like we are doing, or just do it part time, like only when you're at home or something. Some cultures start by mastering the morning pattern and then add the after nap pee, after nursing pee, etc. There are lots of way to do this and no one "right" way. To some people this sounds like a whole lot of extra work, but that's debatable. Anyone that has tried potty training with a willful two-year-old would know. There are lots of physical benefits to this as well. Diaper-free babies never lose their awareness of the need to pee or poop, so they will forever go when their bodies tell them to, unlike the rest of us that hold it until we just can't hold it anymore. Haven't you ever seen your kids do the pee-pee dance? They're waiting too long. Holding it is associated with all kinds of problems from constipation to colon cancer to urinary tract infections. These kids also never learn to have a sense of shame surrounding bathroom events like we are all taught to be SO careful of as we potty train our toddlers. Aside: Alaina was just now sleeping but she started to squirm and grunt in a way that made me think she was going. So I just took her to pee and it took a half a minute or so for her to collect it all, but she went. A lot. After my quit-too-soon misses of late, I decided to just hold her in position until she fusses. It worked! Anyway, those are some of the benefits besides not having to potty train toddlers for me. And finally, you don't have to not use diapers! We definitely use diapers. I'm not into laundry; just ask Brice the laundry man. I just take the diaper off when I want to take her potty. That way I don't have to be perfectly in tune all the time, nor do I have to clean mustard poop off of everything. So, those are the central background issues to this idea. Be sure to ask if I didn't cover something you were wondering about.

How to start:
Watch for cues. Cues are anything that the baby does right before she goes. Some babies wiggle, some get still, some get a certain "look" in their eyes. It helps to watch your baby naked for a while to see what they do. For me, apparently, I notice a lot of the cues subconsciously, but they don't register as a "thing" she does differently so going off of intuition is working better than strictly "looking" for cues, though I do that too.

When you notice the baby going, whether it's in a diaper or over a rag or in the tub or whatever, make some sort of sound that you will always use as a signal--a cue of your own. We use a sssss sound with a bit of a whistle to it for pee and a low whistle for poop. Some people say pee and poop or pee-pee and ca-ca or shhhh and a grunting sound. One culture I read about blows on the back of the baby's head. So really, anything goes. When the baby is older (about 6 or 7 months) I'll also use the sign for "toilet" so the baby will be able to tell me when she has to go before she would be able to say it.

Next, start holding the baby over a receptical of some sort (sink, toilet, tupperware, toddler potty, whatever) when you think she has to go and make your cue sound. We actually did the sound and holding her over the receptical from the beginning. The position you hold the baby in becomes a signal as well. The position you hold the baby in should be a sort of squatting position because it's the best one for the body to eliminate in, meaning most effective and healthiest. So the knees should be up and out and higher than the hips. Alaina is so small that I can hold her legs with my fingers and her torso with my palms with the heel of my hands under her armpits. You should also rest the baby's back against your front to provide a sense of security so they aren't hovering in the air. Some people hold the baby in a cradle position with their bum hanging down which might be easier for a bigger baby--I don't know yet. The baby will let you know if they don't need to go. Alaina starts to squirm and cry if it's a no and if she does need to go, she holds really still or maybe kicks her legs around and grunts right before she gets still and goes.

Once you are feeling confident about it, you can start to really go diaper-free. Be sure to take the baby pee before you get in the car though! Some people have a tupperware with a good lid in the car at all times for outings. As the baby gets older and mobile, she will start to go to the place where you pee her or bring you the "pot" when she has to go. If you use the sign, the baby can start to sign to you when she needs to go (probably around 8 or 9 months). She'll still need help with clothes and wiping for a while, but that's a small price to pay to not have to change diapers in my book!

I think that's about it. The book I have goes way more in depth and provides lots of tips for tricky situations or extenuating circumstances (blindness in the parent, for instance!) and lots of cross cultural stuff. It's also a bit... froofy, if you know what I mean; a bit too over the top with its feel-good "vibe" for my taste, but the information is great. So if you want or need more info, feel free to ask and if you want to buy the book, I posted info about it in the sidebar. If you click on the book, it should take you to amazon.com or somewhere else you can buy it. This is just the the best I could do to sumarize the key components well enough for someone else to try it (go Kari!) without having to read the whole entire book (what kind of nut-job has the desire or the time to read an entire book about baby bowel movements anyway!? Oh, right. Just me). There are also lots of things on the internet if you search for "diaper free baby" or "elimination communication" or "natural infant hygiene." Unfortunately, I haven't been able to find any cross cultural stuff on the internet, probably because they don't have a name for it; it's just what they do. But every now and then I come across a picture of a toddler in crotch-less pants and that's a dead give-away.

Good luck to any of you willing to blaze the trail with me!